This house no longer feels like home
by atiaahmed
Summary: After the battle of seven Harrys, Snape gets the special mission to find clues about Harry Potter in Privet Drive. The story the old home to the Dursleys tells, leaves Snape shocked and changes his views towards the Boy Who Lived. OneShot, after the Harrys departure from Privat Drive in DH


All the death eaters quivered, afraid of the rage that Lord Voldemort was emitting. He paced infront of them, then snarled

"All of my death eaters will go back to Malfoys residence now.", he started "All but Severus."

Relieved, the other death eaters apparated from the spot, eager to get away from their violently angry master. At least this way he could probably let out some steam on Snape, before he turned to them.

"Severus", the dark lord started whispering, Snape shivered in anticipation "I want you to go back to the boys home and see if you can find anything that might assist us. You know him best and will be able to interpret what you find in light of the boys past behavior. And I cannot possibly send a walking failure like Lucius, he and his like don't know enough about Muggles to be of any use in this. Your regrettable upbringing has its use, as did mine."

Severus nodded but stayed silent. Lord Voldemort was not in the mood to be argued against. Then again, was he ever?

"Report back today.", the master ended

"Yes, my Lord.", he answered quietly and apparated away, not quiet believing his luck. He got away without being punished. He choose to only apparate a few streets on, so as to be out of the Dark Lords immediate reach, then took his broom again and went up to the sky.

Finally the potions master allowed himself to breathe freely and looked around. It had been close, but Potter and his friend had made it to the save house in one piece. As he turned away, he thought back on his attack on George Weasley. It had been the decision of an instant. Greyback had reached for him and in a moment Snape had attacked with Sectrumsempra. It had not been the best decision, but in the moment he could think of nothing else. The curse had interjected Greybacks attack and the werwolf had jerked back to get out of its reach. Snape had seen blood, but couldn't follow up on it, as he realized the Dark Lord was coming closer to Harry Potter. He belatedly realized that even if he hadn't seriously injured the Weasley boy, the blood had probably aggravated Greybacks werwolf senses – the same went for Lupin, who was with George on the broom.

On his way back to Privet Drive Snape stopped and dived down to the ground. He landed and found what he was searching for. Luckily it was a deserted back alley and he could examine what he found in peace. He knelt down and put his fingers to the Ex-Aurors neck. No pulse. Mad-eye was dead

Well, of course he was. A fall from a height like that was sure to be fatal. But hope dies last. Severus stood up again and stared down at the dead body. He was surprised to feel a sense of loss fill him. Not the fake, nor the real Moody had ever had a kind word for him. He had suspected Snape to the last and would have gladly killed him. Still, the Ex-Aurors presence had always had a calming effect on Snape. When he was present, Snape could allow himself to relax, because Moody was paranoid enough to count for twelve double agents. Knowing the Ex-Auror was there to aid Potter, had been a soothing thought. Now he was gone. There was one thought that – again, to his own surprise – gave Snape comfort. Moody had died in battle, fighting and saving the innocent, as he had always wished. Bloody Gryffindor.

As it was Wizarding Tradition, Snape removed everything that was not part of Moodys natural body: his magical eye and wooden leg. Snape turned him over, closed his normal eye and folded his arms over his chest. He gave him a last scrutinizing look, then turned his leg into a Portkey and send Moody back to his remaining family, as all Order Members had to promise him once. He pocketed the magical eye, not quite sure what to do with it, but following his instinct to keep it rather than disposing of it.

After that Snape directly left for Privet Drive. Entering the house, he found it empty and cold. He walked through to the kitchen and lazily opened the fridge. It was empty. When he looked into the living room, it was devoid of anything expensive, like a TV or other electronics. He walked up to the shelves and saw different pictures of the same blond whale, disgustingly resembling his muggle father. Only the blond hair distinguished him from the thug. The child grew up to become fuller and rounder with every picture. The last one showed him in a boxing uniform holding up a cup and grinning into the camera. His father was proudly punching his sons fist up in the air. Snape sneered and turned away, noting that there was not even one picture of Potter or Lily on the mantle, or for that matter, anywhere else in the house.

He turned to the stairs and stopped. Frowning he looked at the cupboard under the stairs. There were locks on it. Why would anyone put locks on a storage room? Remembering some of the boys memories, he walked up to cupboard. He had not been able to see a lot, but remembered the muggle thug throwing the skinny Potter boy into a small dark room. He opened the cupboard and looked in.

It was filled with cleaning supplies. He entered and looked around. Hidden, beside a small forgotten mattress, he found some broken toys and old crinkled paintings that indicated what this room had been. Home to the Boy-who-lived. He ducked out of it and closed it carefully, sneering again. Then he went up the stairs.

Here he found four rooms: the parents' bedroom, a guest room and one room for each boy. He entered Dudleys room just to exit it the next moment with a disgusted look on his face. He went next door and found a room full of broken toys, old books and badly mended furniture. When he walked over a particular part of the floor, it creaked ominously. Snape instinctively knelt and opened the loose floor board. He found remains of food. Knowing how thin the child was and realizing there was a cat flap on the door, Snape added up two and two. Tired of what he had found up until now, he sat on the bed.

What was this? Since the boys fifth year he had been certain that his life hadn't been sunshine and roses, but this... Growing up under a man who used a firm hand was – in his humble opinion – far from ideal, but still nothing to hold a child back. Not having been indulged as his father had, made the young Potter actually more respectable in his teachers eyes. That was what he had gathered from the short glimpses into the boys mind and memories. But this... This was different. The locks had followed Potter from the prison under the stairs to the larger living quarters upstairs. Even though the living room had grown with the growing boy – surely a necessity that the family had only grudgingly provided for the orphan in their care – it had been as loveless and careless. Looking around the room, he realized with a sinking feeling, that it resembled his own childhood bedroom. It was just as broken and second-hand as his had been.

But a great glaring difference remained – only one room beside this was luxury that surpassed anything one could have imagined for a child of Potters age. Not only had Potter been refused basic human needs, he had been shown what it meant to have everything in disgusting excess. Whereas Snapes room had been devoid of expensive knickknack only because there was barely enough money in the Snape household to get along with, Potter had been lacking these things purely out of his aunts spite.

Snape rubbed his face tiredly. He had misjudged the child completely. He had acted like a bully and tyrant towards a child who was more his own mirror than his perfect fathers. With exhausted eyes he perused the room again. It was stripped of anything personal or magical that could have belonged to the Potter boy. Snape stood and went to the window. The bars that still hung outside of it cast shadows into the room and a sad pattern on Snapes face. A prison. This was what Privet Drive had been for Potter. And home was nothing but Hogwarts. Just as it had been for Snape himself.

With a jolt a thought attacked Snapes mind. It didn't have to have been like this. _He_ could have taken Potter, raised him, even groomed him for his purpose. It would still have been better than this. He shook his head decidedly, it was no use now. But something about this disturbing thought edged him on, as he went down the stairs. To relieve his conscience, maybe to assure himself that it hadn't been that bad, he cast a complicated spell. When his waving ended, a small ghost formed out of dust infront of him.

It was Potter, a year old, crawling up the steps. Other ghost forms appeared, Petunia, Dursley and their son. They all pointedly ignored the child, that kept pushing himself up the stairs, even if he could have seriously hurt himself. One missed step, one slip up, and the small child would fall down every step, hurting himself badly. Snape felt like applauding when the boy finally made it up the stairs. At that moment Petunia came and shrieked "Come back down, you menace!" The child blinked down at her and then, understanding her gesture rather than her shriek, climbed down the stairs, endangering himself again. Snape huffed in annoyance. When he reached the bottom of the stairs Snape flinched badly as Petunia slapped Potter hard around the face. "Next time, no dwadling. When I say 'come' you come immediately." The small boys eyes filled with tears that didn't fall and he followed his aunt into the kitchen with trembling lips. Scenes like this one repeated themselves infront of Snape, as he saw Potter grow up in this house and the walls and ceiling told the sad story of abuse and neglect. At the end he was shivering with suppressed rage, but sobered as he remembered his own treatment of the very same child. He had no right, no place to judge the Dursleys, he himself had not been any better. Snape closed his eyes, sending a silent prayer for forgiveness to Lily and then apparated to the dark lords side.

"Severus.", he acknowledged steepling his long white fingers. Other Death Eaters were present, some trembling from the aftermath of the Crutiatus, like Lucius Malfoy.

"My Lord.", Snape bowed deeply "I visited Potters childhood home."

"Did you learn anything of use?"

Snape faltered for a moment. Then, not meeting Voldemorts eyes, answered "There was nothing unusual about it. He was as loved and cherished as his cousin. They grew up as brothers and not even the distance that the boys magic created could form a crevice in their relationship. His aunt, who had lost all contact to her sister before her death, prevented any discord in their brotherly relationship. She and her husband seemed to have encouraged bonding between the teenagers while they saw each other in the summer."

"He never visited at Christmas, Draco tells me.", the dark lord whispered, one of the black robed figures shivered. Judging from his height, Snape assumed it was Draco.

"The Dursley boy seemed not to have been allowed to return home from his school for the holiday. To prevent any jealousy, Potter remained at Hogwarts also.", Snape lied swiftly, making up an honorable excuse for what had been sheer cold heartlessness of Potters only remaining family.

"Ah, very like the boy.", Lord Voldemort nodded "Anything else?"

"No my lord, nothing out of order."

"Shall we follow up on his relatives, maybe use them against the boy?", Voldemort asked his death eaters opinion casually.

"No, they will be protected by the order by now. I think our time and energy will be spent more worthwhile attacking the ministry and waiting for Potters next move, to capture him then."

There was no good in using the Dark Lord for his vengeance upon the Dursleys. They were of no consequence now, wherever they were. It would only distract the boy from his cause. Snape would deal with them, if he survived the war. Lord Voldemort looked at Snape for a long moment, then turned away "Very well. Leave now."

Snape bowed to his masters back, before he apparated to Spinners End. Only when he had entered the wards, did he allow himself a breath of relieve. His lies had been completely useless and therefore very dangerous. He realized that he had only tried to protect the boys privacy. There was nothing gained by lying about his home life. Only that his honor was protected from those who would all but relish in pulling it through the dirt. Snape shook his head in irritation. This would not help Potter in any way, it would not further his cause or gain him any trump towards his enemy. It was pure sentimentality.

Snape entered his bedroom and fell into bed, completely drawn from the day. As he closed his eyes, for the first time in years he thought, he'd wish to survive this war only to see his life's work fulfilled. To see what Potter would make of the life he had protected. A rare smile played on Snapes lips as he realized that Potter would cherish his life, live it to the fullest and do all the things he himself had been denied. Building a home and his own family. He would overcome his past and walk forward. He would be happy and normal.

Snapes heart ached in jealousy and longing at the thought. He wished with all his heart that Potter would be able to fulfill these simple dreams for himself and for all those, who would loose their lives in this war. 'For me', he thought and gave a short laugh 'No, never for me'. And with renewed fervor he vowed to make this possible. To force Potter to survive and win this war.

Snape would get his wish. Harry would win and live. He would fulfill all these age old, simple dreams and live a happy, boring life. Snape would be able to see him live this life, he would watch as Harry became a father and in his honor named his second son "Severus" and hung his portrait alongside the other headmasters of Hogwarts. He would look down upon this from beyond the veil, Lily by his side, smiling at what he had helped to preserve.

A life worth living.

_~~~SSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHP__SSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHP__SSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHP__SSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHP_~~~

Hi guys,

I'm a complete newbie at fanfictionNet, so this is kinda my welcome story for you! :) I have been writing fanfiction since about 10 years under a different name and in german only. This story is my first published story in english. I'd really appreciate a comment to tell me if I did well and I'd love if you kept in contact and read other stories I will publish here in future. For my german speaking folks:

Leute, ich werde hauptsächlich in Deutsch posten, freue mich also schon sehr darauf, von euch zu hören. Ich liebe Severitus Stories und habe bemerkt, dass es zu wenige gute deutsche Stories in dieser Kategorie gibt. Ich plane, das zu ändern ;) Hier werde ich hauptsächlich meine Fanfictions posten, original erfundene Geschichten gibt's auf meiner Website: atiaahmed(punkt)de/geschichten

Freu mich auf euch!

Liebe Gruß / Love

Atia


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